WARNING: This entry is not for the faint hearted.
First and foremost, let me congratulate you for your suh-weet victory. With almost 14 million votes, you won without any difficulty and finished way way ahead than my much-deserving bet and your cousin, Gibo Teodoro. Actually, I'm expecting from the start your easy victory but still, I didn't gave in to the pressure from my friends and family to vote for you. Duh! Honestly, I rather eat booger than to vote for a lame-duck president like you. Yes good senator, you read me right, I just compared you to a lame duck. I firmly believe that you cannot run a country because on your 12 years of being a politician, you just sashayed your way in and you just sashayed your way out of the Congress and that's it. What a waste of time and money your so-so performances were.
Good senator, if you doesn't take advantage of being the son of Ninoy and Cory, I doubt your ability to win this election. Seriously. You always basked behind the shadows of your parents and continue to do so even after their deaths. And it's kinda an overkill. You are a trying hard copycat of your father! Pardon me sir, but your father is much more intelligent, much more competent, much more charismatic and better looking than you sir. Are you sure he is your father? Because, really sir, there is no trace of Ninoy in you.
Every campaign advertisements you used last election played up your promise to eliminate corruption. That's a lie! It is impossible to eliminate corruption in our present society. And with you as our president? That's fncking impossible sir! That may not sound very pleasing to the ears and I'm not being negative too but that's reality. So stop pandering to us like we're a bunch of illiterates. Anyway, maybe your laughing your ass out while reading my letter because my arguments are already null. You are now the 15th President of the Philippines. You won sir, you won!
I wrote this letter not just to insult you but also to give you a suggestion. My original plan is to make a paper boat and make it float on Pasig River and hope that it would reach your table and be read by you. But it's kinda stupid these days, circa 2010. Going back to my suggestion, puh-leez reappoint Esperanza Cabral as DOH secretary. She's one hell of a secretary! She did an awesome showing by proving that she is no push over. She got the platinum balls to get things done even if it goes against the beliefs of some irritating Catholic Church leaders. Pardon me again sir but I believe that she will be a better president than you.
In two weeks time, you will take your oath as the president. And for sure, you're pretty excited that you bought a wig - haha, I'm kiddding sir. Seriously, your team has been preparing for this for months now. Oh, I bet that would be "the greatest show in town" with lots and lots of celebrities. With Kris as the director, that would be spectacular! Anyway, my challenge to you is this - work on your fashion sense, be Noynoy and not just your parent's son and most importantly, don't disappoint those who voted for you pretty fucking please. And another thing, may you not be stupid enough to forget that you actually promised the moon and stars for us. You may not know me sir but I'll stick my eyes on you. And if you screwed up, don't worry, I'll be there to punch you in the face. Goodluck President Noynoy!
Jubert John R. Marzan
Source of photo here