18.7.12

6 Months Of Bitterness Summarized

Since my younger years, I’ve been writing in English. That probably explains my tagalog-dumbnesia. I don't write in Filipino. I mean, I write but I sucks big time. So, I really salute guys who could express their sentiments well in the Filipino language. Clap clap!

Anyway, in celebration of Buwan ng Wika next month, I made a Tagalog post summarizing the six months of my “letting-go-moving-on” phase. I hope you read it guys and please be kind to me.

WARNING: This is a lil bit depressing. *wink* 

Labis labis akong nasaktan ng sa huli kong inibig. Hindi ko inaasahan na mauuwi sa isang mapait na pagwawakas ang aming pag-iibigan. Masakit. Sobrang sakit. May mga pagkakataon pa ngang naisip kong magpatiwakal. Anong silbi ng buhay ko kung hindi rin lang naman siya ang makakasama ko habambuhay? Wala. Mas gugustuhin ko pang mawala sa mundong ito kaysa makita ko siya sa piling ng iba. Ngunit alam kong isang malaking pagkakasala ang aking gagawin kaya hindi ko itinuloy. 

If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it’s yours. But if not, it doesn’t mean to be. Sa sobrang pagmamahal ko sa kanya, pinalaya ko siya. Oo, masakit ngunit mas masasaktan lamang ako kung ipagpapatuloy ko ang aming relasyon kahit alam kong hindi na siya masaya sa piling ko. I will hurt her and I will hurt myself in return. Hindi naging madali ang paglimot ko sa kanya. Sa totoo lang, mahirap. Hindi ko alam kung paano magsisimulang muli na wala siya sa tabi ko. Kahit minsan, hindi siya nawaglit sa puso’t isip ko. Hinahanap-hanap ko ang kanyang mga yakap, mga halik, mga bagay na nagbigay sa akin ng saya sa pitong buwan ng aming pagsasama bilang mag-kasintahan. May mga pagkakataon pa ngang magigising na lamang ako sa gitna ng gabi na umiiyak. Sobra akong nagdamdam. Naging mas mahirap ang mga panahong ito dahil wala yung mga taong dapat nakaagapay sa akin kapag may pinagdaraanan ako. Hindi dahil sa nilayuan nila ako. Kung hindi dahil mas pinili ko na huwag sabihin sa kanila ang nararamdaman ko. Ayaw ko silang mag-alala. Ayaw kong dagdagan ang mga problemang meron sila. Mas pinili kong mapag-isa. Alam kong malalampasan ko ang unos na ito. Hindi ko alam kung kelan pero alam kong matatapos din ang paghihirap ng puso ko. Kaya ko ‘to, sabi ko sa sarili ko. Kaya at kakayanin. 

Lumipas ang mga araw. Paunti-unting nabawasan ang sakit na aking nararamdam. Paunti-unti akong bumabangon. Paunti-unti kong inaayos ang buhay ko. Ngunit, nalaman ko na lamang mula sa isang kaibigan na may bago ng mahal ang mahal ko. Muling gumuho ang mundo ko. Nawala ang katiting na pag-asang pinanghahawakan ko. May mahal na siyang iba, paulit-ulit na tumatakbo sa isip ko. Nagtampo ako. Nagalit. Ang sabi niya sa akin hindi na muna siya iibig muli. ‘Yun ang dahilan kong bakit kami naghiwalay. She’s tired of commitments. Ngunit, bakit may bago na agad siya? Hindi ko matanggap. Hindi madaling tanggapin na ang pinapasaya mo noon, pinapasaya na ng iba ngayon. 

Doon ako natauhan. Sinabi ko sa sarili ko na wala ng patutunguhan ang nararamdaman ko sa kanya. It is not worth it. Kahit anong pilit ang gawin ko, hindi na siya magiging akin. May iba ng nagmamay-ari ng puso niya. Kung ipagpapatuloy ko ito, ako lang din ang masasaktan sa huli. Sinumulan ko ang totoong paglimot. Ang pagbangon. Sinimulan ko ulit mahalin ang aking sarili. Napagtanto ko na mahalaga na mahalin mo muna ang sarili mo bago ka magmahal ng iba

Ngayon, masasabi kong tuluyan ng naghilom ang sugat sa puso ko. A part of me will always have feelings for her. I will never stop caring. I just learned to get over her. Naging mapait man ang aming paghihiwalay. Hindi ko pinagsisihan na minahal ko siya. Bagkus ay nagpapasalamat ako sa kanya, sa mga aral na itinuro niya sa akin sa loob ng pitong buwan ng aming pagsasama. Habambuhay ko yung itatago at pahahalagahan bilang alala ng aming kahapon. 

Give me a grade please – 

A. Applause! Applause! You should write in Filipino more often. 
B. Some more practice and you’ll give Marcelo Santos a run for his money. 
C. I`m not being harsh but can you rewrite it again?
D. English na lang please. 
E. Tang ina mo bro!

16 comments:

Anonymous said...

Buti naman at nakamove on ka na...

Ill give a grade of A.

In every end theres always a wonderful beginning.

Have a great journey ahead.... :)

Kura said...

D. Mas forte mo yun. Akin yang katagalugan e. hahaha!

My dear friend.. makakahanap ka rin. Yung mas deserving. Yung mas mamahalin ka. Yung mas papahalagahan kung ano man ang meron kayo. Naks! Parang ang expert ko lang e no. hihihi! Bata ka pa naman. At lalaki ka no. Kahit kelan mo gustuhin magka gf pwedeng pwede. ^_^ Take it slow

kg said...

jubert, nakakatuwa na ang galing mong magesxpress ng nararamdaman mo. and masaya ako na ok ka na. ganun lang talaga ang buhay, you experience heartbreaks (romantic man o hindi), bt we have to move on.

A ang grade ko sayo for being strong. :)

Mitch said...

Nakakaantig naman pag ganto usapan about love.. Time can heal and for that I'll give u A, kasi sabi mo, sisimulan mong lumimot at mahalin muna ang sarili.

Hoobert the Awesome said...

Hi Kris!

Omg. Your name reminded me of my ex. Ayos `no?

Yes, I think I already moved. That`s the best thing for me to do. I mean, I`ve been trying to revive the old flame but I think it doesn`t meant to be. She is meant to be with someone else and so do I. Well, that`s life. :)

Salamat sa A grade though I think I don`t deserve that. HAHAHA.

Hoobert the Awesome said...

Naks naman Ate Kura-ching. That`s the reason why I missed you so so so much. Dahil ang sweet, sweet mo. Hahaha.

At talagang D? Wala na bang itataas `yan. Hahaha.

Ikaw na talaga `te ang love expert. Move out Papa Jack cos Mama Ching is here to take the house down! Lolwhut?! Anyway, seriously, yes I believe that there is that one person who will love me for what I am and not for what I have. *wink* Ayos ba?

Grabe naman. Mahirap ding manligaw though hindi naman talaga ako pala-ligaw. Sila ang kusang lumalapit. Hahaha.

I miss you Ate Kura-Ching!

Hoobert the Awesome said...

Wow `te Grace. Nag-blush naman ako dun though I think medyo mediocre `tong post na to. Hahaha.

I just wrote what I felt, what`s inside me. Gusto ko lang kasing magkaroon ng closure yung feelings ko. Ayoko na ng hang-ups, future hopes or eme. I just want to let go, move on and be happy.

Salamat sa A grade. <3

Zen said...

A. Pwede ka nang magsulat sa Tagalog. Ayos naman eh. Ang mahalaga, na express mo yung dapat na maexpress..

Dun naman sa laman, syempre nakarelate ako. Katatapos na naman ng aking "naunsyaming" relationship. Pero okay lang. Masakit din, pero dapat nating tandaan na tuloy ang buhay.. :)

Superjaid said...

ramdam kita. ramdam na ramdam. sinisimulan ko rin ang tunay na pagmomoveon kaya natin to. =D

ill give a B. pratice pa. pero the way you express yourself eh ok na ok na kunting practice na lang sa grammar. =D

glentot said...

Hindi ko na papansinin yung pagta-Tagalog haha ang masasabi ko na lang eh tungkol sa topic mo itself which is moving on - it's not as hard as it sounds or as how other people make it seem. kaya mo yan.

Hoobert the Awesome said...

Salamat Ate Zen. I really crossed my fingers na maappreciate niyo this post. Haha. Kahit feeling ko puro bola naman. Loool.

All the single bloggers, all the single bloggers! Oh oh oh oh oh oh. Haha! Represent! =)

Ayos lang `yan. There's someone better out there. :)

Edzel Louise Vargas said...

Neither of those. Choose the one that you're comfortable with. I think it's great either way. Speechless Mr.! :) You inspire me to do something like this! More please!

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