10 Ways To Turn Me Off

10. Turn off ako sa babaeng jejemon. Ikaw ba naman maka-receive ng gan’tong text “lAbqCkyOuHh” galing sa girlfriend mo kung di ka mawindang. 

09. Turn off  ako sa babaeng malakas pa sakin… ang body odor. Isa ito sa mga pet peeves ko actually. Kahit na siguro si Giselle Bundchen look-alike ang iharap niyo sakin kung jumajabar naman siya, thank you na lang. Hygiene is a necessity, man. It really is. 

08. Turn off ako sa babaeng dry ang sense of humor or worse, wala nito. Sobrang boring nun. At saka, baka di pa niya masakyan mga jokes ko. Awkward yun kung ganun. 

07. Turn off ko sa babaeng materialistic. Dahil wala akong pera. Boom! 

06. Turn off ako sa babaeng bitchy sa barkada ko. It doesn’t matter how we’ll she’s treating me, if she’s treating my friends on a bitchy and rude way, it’s only a matter of time before it is pointed at me. And I don’t like that. 

05. Turn off  ako sa babaeng nagyoyosi, umiinom and worst, nagda-drugs. Bakit ikaw dude gusto mo? Kung oo, lakas ng tama mo. Patingin ka na sa psychiatrist. 

04. Tun off ako sa babaeng clingy, overpossessive and too selosa. I find it cute when girls are being a bit selosa `cos it just shows na mahal niya ako and takot siyang mawala ako. But there there`s a fine line between being in love and being too much in love. Yung OA na ang pagseselos. Na kulang na lang pati Mom ko pagselosan. Ano `to, obsession? Haha.

03. Turn off ako sa babaeng makati pa sa higad or –sorry for the word- malibog. Because it’s not what trying to cultivate a lasting relationship is all about. There’s a fine line between lust and love. Ang mga relationship na lust ang foundation is usually doomed from the start. Sex is for married couples. Otherwise, it’s just fucking around.

 02.  Turn off ako sa babaeng nabibilang lang ang brain cells. Yung tipong pagpapaganda lang ang alam. Yung “clichés” ~ maganda nga pero medyo weak. Hindi lahat ng lalaki chooses beauty over brains. In fact, a lot of guys like to have an intelligent conversation rather than settle with the stereotypical limbo. And I’m one of them. Naks! 

01. And lastly, turn off ako sa babaeng mahilig mamangka sa dalawang ilog or more. In more simple term, CHEATER! Because duh, sino ba namang tao in his sane mind ang gustong niloloko siya? Ayaw na ayaw ko pa namang ginagawang tanga (so there comes the warning). Kung may gusto siyang iba, fine with a capital F. Hindi ako maghahabol. Never. Anyway, ano bang nakukuha ng isang tao sa pagtsi-cheat? Waley. I think the act is just repulsive and I’m wondering how cheaters sleep at night.

...

When we were kids, we have this picture of our ideal partners in our minds. Oh c`mon, don`t be shy. I know you have one. When I was a little bit younger, my ideal girl was a triple M ~ MATANDANG MAYAMAN NA MADALING MAMATAY. Hahaha. I`m just kidding. My ideal girl was -

1. Dapat maganda.

2. Dapat matalino.

3. Dapat mayaman.

In more simple term, dapat PERFECT which we all know don`t exist. At all. But somewhere along the road, nagbago ang requirements ko. Okay lang kahit di na maganda. Okay lang kahit di matalino. Okay lang kahit di mayaman. Now, I`m just looking for a girl who can love me for what I am. Who can accept my mistakes and my imperfections. And a girl who can look me in the eyes while saying, "Yes, I wanna grow old with you". That`s all, thank you. Bow. *sabay kaway sa audience* Haha. Ang mushy! Pang-pageant lang.

On a more serious mode.

I know that somewhere out there, out of the 8 billion people roaming this planet, there is this girl who is meant to be with me forever. She may not know it yet. I may not know it yet. But destiny will bring us together.