I was preparing to sleep the other night when I suddenly realized that I hadn’t blogged for a long time – 38 days to be exact. I miss my blog and I know you’re wondering what might have happened to me. So there we go. I’ve been busy. Hell busy.
You might be asking what I could be busy with. A new girlfriend? Hell nope. I wish I could still have time for that. A new hobby? No. A new “job”? Yes! And I’m happy.
Coming in and out of post-college depression, the months leading to this week were a bit of a struggle for me. I’ve felt so unfocused with what I wanted to do in life. I just can’t seem to find the direction to where I’m headed. I was lost. I prayed for directions. Or signs. Or clues where to go.
In high school, I used to believe that I can get everything that I want to the point when I thought I could just sit quietly and wait things to fall in my lap. And I’m self-centered like that. But then, reality kicked in. At the end of 2011, I was beginning to think whether I should start following a different career track. Then my friends started getting their dream jobs. I can’t say I didn’t feel envy. Actually, I did. From there on, I started doubting, hating myself.
And then something hit me strong in the head (prolly my mom’s nagging). I could not just let insecurities swallow me. I could not just let my awesomeness fades away. And besides, sayang ang looks ko kung magiging tambay lang ako.
It was only the last week of February when I started sending resumes and stuffs and hoping that someone out there is willing to give me a job. Luckily, someone did. I now work as a nurse in a private hospital in our province. Needless to say, I have a made a decision to pursue my profession. When I accepted the job, I felt I was doing the right thing. I know you know the feeling of doing something you’re really passionate about – in my case, to help others and save lives. I felt infinite. Cheesy shit but true.
Life didn’t become any easier. But slowly, I’m starting to get a glimpse of what my life would be in the coming years. I may not exactly where I want to be but this is a start – a good start. I’m not proud of what I was (which was a total mess) a few months back but I’m not ashamed of it either. Life isn’t always peaches and cream. What separates the successful people from the unsuccessful is the ability to deal with life issues maturely, realizing that the hard times are learning opportunities and that’s what makes us wiser in the long run.