Pursuit of Happyness

(Photo got from Tumblr. Thanks to the owner.)

I was preparing to sleep the other night when I suddenly realized that I hadn’t blogged for a long time – 38 days to be exact. I miss my blog and I know you’re wondering what might have happened to me. So there we go. I’ve been busy. Hell busy.

You might be asking what I could be busy with. A new girlfriend? Hell nope. I wish I could still have time for that. A new hobby? No. A new “job”? Yes! And I’m happy.

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Coming in and out of post-college depression, the months leading to this week were a bit of a struggle for me. I’ve felt so unfocused with what I wanted to do in life. I just can’t seem to find the direction to where I’m headed. I was lost. I prayed for directions. Or signs. Or clues where to go.

In high school, I used to believe that I can get everything that I want to the point when I thought I could just sit quietly and wait things to fall in my lap. And I’m self-centered like that. But then, reality kicked in. At the end of 2011, I was beginning to think whether I should start following a different career track. Then my friends started getting their dream jobs. I can’t say I didn’t feel envy. Actually, I did. From there on, I started doubting, hating myself.

And then something hit me strong in the head (prolly my mom’s nagging). I could not just let insecurities swallow me. I could not just let my awesomeness fades away. And besides, sayang ang looks ko kung magiging tambay lang ako. 

It was only the last week of February when I started sending resumes and stuffs and hoping that someone out there is willing to give me a job. Luckily, someone did. I now work as a nurse in a private hospital in our province. Needless to say, I have a made a decision to pursue my profession. When I accepted the job, I felt I was doing the right thing. I know you know the feeling of doing something you’re really passionate about – in my case, to help others and save lives. I felt infinite. Cheesy shit but true.

Life didn’t become any easier. But slowly, I’m starting to get a glimpse of what my life would be in the coming years. I may not exactly where I want to be but this is a start – a good start. I’m not proud of what I was (which was a total mess) a few months back but I’m not ashamed of it either. Life isn’t always peaches and cream. What separates the successful people from the unsuccessful is the ability to deal with life issues maturely, realizing that the hard times are learning opportunities and that’s what makes us wiser in the long run.

There's a rainbow after the rain.

Friday. August 19, 2011. Last training day. It started like any other day. I woke up, got some coffee, took a shower, had my breakfast and went to work. That's my typical routine for almost two weeks since I got a job in Makati. But, life can sometimes be so cruel. Things can change in just a blink of an eye.

I walked into work and eight hours later, walked out with no job and "I hope you learned a lot".

Yes that day, Hoobert the Awesome has rejoined the ranks of the unemployed.

It's like the heavens fell on me when Ed told me that I didn't pass the training. Oh, how it shattered my heart! It was my first job ever and I screwed it up. I literally cried. At that moment, I was only thinking of how will I break the news to my family. My sisters were so proud of me when they learned that I got a job and this news will surely break their hearts. Then, I received many uplifting messages from beautiful people. This I got from Jean Ymson, "You're a smart kid. I want you to go to the medical field and kick some ass".

Sourgraping is the easiest thing in the world. I could sulk in for days. I could threw tantrums on anybody who passes by me. I could say a lot of snarky things that would probably make me feel better. But I won't, why? I'll just make a fool out of myself. Yes, I lost my job but this is not the end of the world. Hindi titigil ang mundo sa pag-inog dahil lang sa nadapa ako. And moreover, hindi hihintayin ng mundo ang muli kong pagbangon. What I need to do is to get myself together, move forward and never look back.

That night, as strange as it may sound, I slept with no hard feelings because somehow I knew that there is something better in store for me.

When one door closes, another opens as the old saying goes. PRC dropped the bomb the next day.Those of you who know me from the blog knows that I took the licensure exam for nurses last month. I scrolled down to look for my name and there it was. My eyes popped wide open upon seeing my name.

22830 JUBERT JOHN REQUILLAS MARZAN

Yes that day, Hoobert the Awesome has joined the ranks of world-class Filipino nurses.

I was ecstatic. Deep inside, I was screaming like what a high school girl would do for Justin Bieber. I immediately reached for my phone and sent an SMS to my mom. Through word of mouth and passed on by excited messages on Facebook, I suddenly became the toast of town. LMAO. It felt very surreal. Indeed, God is good.

Anyone who says that "everything happens for a reason" knows what he's talking about. I believe it and so should you. Nothing happens by chance or by sheer luck. Failures all occur to test limit of our souls.

So, what's the idea of this whole entry? Simple and I want this to end in a good note.

Life is too short for sourgraping too much. Looking back, there is always something you wish you had done or hadn't done in that one moment. You torture yourself over the "what ifs" and think that you would somehow have been better off if you had done this, that or the other. But the bad news is, history is just that, history. It may piss you off but you cannot bring back time.

If you're out there in a similar position - don't be too hard to yourself. The battle may have been lost but not the war, right? Just keep the faith and believe in yourself. 'Cos if you don't believe in yourself, no one else will.

A Dream is a hope that never sleeps

It’s been a month since I have posted my last article. I miss my blog and my readers too! Maybe you’re wondering what might have happened. Well, the past weeks have been very busy for me. Because of that I am also behind blogging. There are a lot of things – a lot, really – I want to share with you. I’ll get back to regular programming next month.

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Nae salmi haru haru kkumeul kkuneun geotcheoreom
Neowa hamkke majubomyeo saranghal su itdamyeon
Dasi ireoseolgeoya

Naege sojunghaetdeon gieok sogui haengbokdeul
Himdeul sigan sogeseodo deouk ddaseuhaetdeon
Heemangeun naegen jamdeulji anheun ggum

Don’t tell me how many days are left before the board exam. Mom is already doing that wonderful job for me. So, you don’t have to hammer again that it’s “9 days to go, board exam na!”. Kita niyo ngang sobrang pressured na ako. Actually, whatever-you-call-this-kind-of-feeling is not new to me. I took the MLE in 2009 and luckily, I passed it unscathed and with my sanity intact. But still, I couldn’t help but feel anxious. Imma confess that I am not yet that confident to take this exam that could dictate the fate of my career. A lot of negative vibes gets inside my head as the examination is looming closer that I sometimes think I have a disorder of some sort. LMAO.

When I took the board two years ago, I took it because I need to (in my school, that’s a prerequisite before you become a junior). I didn’t really take it seriously… I dunno, maybe because I know I will pass with ease. Brilliant minds didn’t need much bombardment, you know! LMFAO. Just kidding. But now, it’s a different story. I don’t want to settle for mediocrity anymore. Enough of 81.95! My battle cry this year is “TO TOP THE BOARD EXAM!”. I usually tell that to my friends. Yes and they just laugh at me. But I can’t blame them. Being a mediocre student, that dream seem far fetched from me. But still, I am taking a strong grip on it like my life’s depended on it. At bakit? As Otep puts it, libre ang mangarap. Even when the end line is blurry, even if that dream seems a million miles away, I am hopeful. For I know that those who believe in the power of dreams will soon be rewarded. Hmmm, pwede. LMAO.

Maybe you’re wondering where I’m getting this enthusiasm. To tell you, I am a congenital dreamer because I love to dream. I really do. But my interest in dreaming was tarnished for I have felt rejections many times in my life. I became a pessimist and I had lost faith in my dreams. I became fearful and coward. I lost the bravery and the courage. Moreover, I refrained from taking risks. And I was determined to remain that way.

But I have come to realize that not all of our dreams are bound to come true. At times, they will just serve as inspirations. Even the smallest dream sometimes cannot be touch, cannot be made real simply because it is not meant for us. Moreover, I have come to realize that all those who dare to dream went this way too. They once became weak and coward, fearful and doubtful. But they never gave up their dreams. Our head would sometimes tell us that we are weak but it’s all in our mind. Life is a series of games. And one of life’s games is dream catching, the more dreams catched, the better.

AHEM! Siyanga pala, iyong panimulang kanta, OST yun ng “Baker King”. Wala akong maintindihan sa lyrics pero sa tuwing naririnig ko ang kantang yan, ginaganahan akong mangarap.