It’s been almost seven months since Chris became my girlfriend. So far, so good. And I’m crossing my awesome fingers that it stays that way. But not known to many, our first two weeks has been pretty rough. Yes, I’m seriously serious. We argued a lot. My girlfriend and I agreed on absolutely nothing. At all. I’m thinking it’s either we didn’t know each other too well and we’re just warming up OR we are just both, let’s just say, “war-freak brats”.
Luckily for us, we are both awesome creatures. No major fight yet. We usually argue over small issues: the time it took her to reply to my texts, which drives me nuts. (This may sound immature but I’m not the most patient boyfriend of all. I can get impatient and stubborn and moody sometimes and you’re not gonna like me. Shikes!) Tiffs over where to eat donuts or what movie to watch are settled with rock-paper-scissors shoot out, kidding. It's her call. Full-blown arguments while very, very rare typically erupt about her “I’m nearly there” bullshit (and you know why). But these are always resolved very quickly.
Believe it or not, while disputes/arguments/debates with your “sweetie pie” is no fun, it should be noted that stuffs like these keeps a relationship on its toes. Don’t worry, it is not unusual. It just shows that you’ve invested enough to want to hash something instead of just writing each other off. And it doesn’t have to cause hustle and bustle in the relationship. When you think of a fight as a chance to talk and patch things up, not World War III, it takes fear out of it. Fear widens the knowing-doing gap. Don't use it pretty fuckin' please.
Moving on. You people are lucky, very lucky. I’ll be your love guru today, teaching you how to love and how to be love. Echos! Hahaha. Naaa, I’ll be sharing advices on how to handle arguments with your “sweetie pie” and not turn it into an all-nuclear war. No, no, don’t mistake me for Papa Jack. (I and my mates got addicted listening to Papa Jack last summer, as if that information would be necessary for the salvation of the world). Most of the stuffs here are for girls otherwise indicated. These I learned after years of being around tons and tons of girl friends (their boyfriends are of great help, too).
Don’t detail your tampo through text (unless you have an SMS love affair, you know). Girls, no offense meant, frequently do this and it's pretty annoying. This is a big no, no. I know it needs a lot of guts to meet head-on with your “sweetie pie” but you must remember that he might be clueless on why you are pissed. And to guys, if you have done something wrong to your girl, have the balls to say sorry in person.
Never bring up old issues – ever. What’s done is done. Restrict your discussion to one, recent incident and don't go back to 2009. That way, you don’t misunderstand and wind up bickering again about the same thing all over again. Snowballing your complaints confuses both of you about what the real issue is.
When you had a fight with your “sweetie pie”, do you vent online? Wrong. Not only you’re making a fool out of yourself but you’re also making yourself a prey of your good-for-nothing/tsismosa friends. So my teensy-bitsy advice: count to ten before changing your FB status. Couple/s who post TMZ-worthy feud on Facebook pisses a lot of people, me included. Seriously.
Girlfriend: You know what? I’m just so freaking tired of you. This will not work. We’re over.
Boyfriend: Thank God, I am only waiting for you to say that. I deserve someone better.
Girlfriend: Yeah right, idiot!
Boyfriend: And you’re such a spoiled, fugly brat.
Boyfriend: Oh c’mon that’s a low blow.
Girlfriend: Bayot. Bayot. Bayot. BAAA-
Boyfriend: Ok fine. I’m sorry. I take back everything I said. Just stop calling me that. Please babe?
Sometimes name-calling works. But most of the time (about 99%), it doesn’t. Sarcasm and name-calling are cheap shots. Just calm your butt down, if you cannot contain it any longer, two words: walk out. Otherwise, you may get a knee-jerk reaction that leaves you more upset. If you criticize rather than complain then your relationship is headed towards disaster with capital D.
Give each other a breathing space. Not all arguments can be fixed in one sitting. You don’t need to build Rome in a day. You can just talk it out the next morning or after the two of you have calmed down. Settle a disagreement when you’re both in the right frame of mind. Otherwise, nothing will get solved. And worse, you might end up killing each other, joke! – you might end up as ex-lovers. You don’t want that, don’t you?
Know when to stop. Once you heard the outcome you were after, maybe an apology or an explanation perhaps, stop. Any further squabbling is pleasure-seeking (out of lack of a better term). We all know that so don’t argue. If he/she said he/she was sorry, take it at face value. Don’t make him/her beg for your forgiveness (well, it depends in the severity of the case).
There is no such thing as toil-free relationship. Shits happen to test the limits of your love for each other. So if you two think that what you have is something special and worth fighting for, work it out. If one of you stops to work then you will be on a big trouble, I’m telling you: when the work stops, the split starts. Men and women have equal footing in a relationship. The “pa-martir” and “Andres de Saya” clones are so 20th century.
I'm Papa Awesome. Now, signing off.