4.12.11

Fine. I'm Wrong, You're Right. Now What?

It’s been almost seven months since Chris became my girlfriend. So far, so good. And I’m crossing my awesome fingers that it stays that way. But not known to many, our first two weeks has been pretty rough. Yes, I’m seriously serious. We argued a lot. My girlfriend and I agreed on absolutely nothing. At all. I’m thinking it’s either we didn’t know each other too well and we’re just warming up OR we are just both, let’s just say, “war-freak brats”.

Luckily for us, we are both awesome creatures. No major fight yet. We usually argue over small issues: the time it took her to reply to my texts, which drives me nuts. (This may sound immature but I’m not the most patient boyfriend of all. I can get impatient and stubborn and moody sometimes and you’re not gonna like me. Shikes!) Tiffs over where to eat donuts or what movie to watch are settled with rock-paper-scissors shoot out, kidding. It's her call. Full-blown arguments while very, very rare typically erupt about her “I’m nearly there” bullshit (and you know why). But these are always resolved very quickly.

Believe it or not, while disputes/arguments/debates with your “sweetie pie” is no fun, it should be noted that stuffs like these keeps a relationship on its toes. Don’t worry, it is not unusual. It just shows that you’ve invested enough to want to hash something instead of just writing each other off. And it doesn’t have to cause hustle and bustle in the relationship. When you think of a fight as a chance to talk and patch things up, not World War III, it takes fear out of it. Fear widens the knowing-doing gap. Don't use it pretty fuckin' please.

Moving on. You people are lucky, very lucky. I’ll be your love guru today, teaching you how to love and how to be love. Echos! Hahaha. Naaa, I’ll be sharing advices on how to handle arguments with your “sweetie pie” and not turn it into an all-nuclear war. No, no, don’t mistake me for Papa Jack. (I and my mates got addicted listening to Papa Jack last summer, as if that information would be necessary for the salvation of the world). Most of the stuffs here are for girls otherwise indicated. These I learned after years of being around tons and tons of girl friends (their boyfriends are of great help, too).

Don’t detail your tampo through text (unless you have an SMS love affair, you know). Girls, no offense meant, frequently do this and it's pretty annoying. This is a big no, no. I know it needs a lot of guts to meet head-on with your “sweetie pie” but you must remember that he might be clueless on why you are pissed. And to guys, if you have done something wrong to your girl, have the balls to say sorry in person.

...

Never bring up old issues – ever. What’s done is done. Restrict your discussion to one, recent incident and don't go back to 2009. That way, you don’t misunderstand and wind up bickering again about the same thing all over again. Snowballing your complaints confuses both of you about what the real issue is.

...

When you had a fight with your “sweetie pie”, do you vent online? Wrong. Not only you’re making a fool out of yourself but you’re also making yourself a prey of your good-for-nothing/tsismosa friends. So my teensy-bitsy advice: count to ten before changing your FB status. Couple/s who post TMZ-worthy feud on Facebook pisses a lot of people, me included. Seriously.

...

Girlfriend: You know what? I’m just so freaking tired of you. This will not work. We’re over.

Boyfriend: Thank God, I am only waiting for you to say that. I deserve someone better.

Girlfriend: Yeah right, idiot!

Boyfriend: And you’re such a spoiled, fugly brat.

Girlfriend: Bayot!

Boyfriend: Oh c’mon that’s a low blow.

Girlfriend: Bayot. Bayot. Bayot. BAAA-

Boyfriend: Ok fine. I’m sorry. I take back everything I said. Just stop calling me that. Please babe?

Sometimes name-calling works. But most of the time (about 99%), it doesn’t. Sarcasm and name-calling are cheap shots. Just calm your butt down, if you cannot contain it any longer, two words: walk out. Otherwise, you may get a knee-jerk reaction that leaves you more upset. If you criticize rather than complain then your relationship is headed towards disaster with capital D.

...

Give each other a breathing space. Not all arguments can be fixed in one sitting. You don’t need to build Rome in a day. You can just talk it out the next morning or after the two of you have calmed down. Settle a disagreement when you’re both in the right frame of mind. Otherwise, nothing will get solved. And worse, you might end up killing each other, joke! – you might end up as ex-lovers. You don’t want that, don’t you?

...

Know when to stop. Once you heard the outcome you were after, maybe an apology or an explanation perhaps, stop. Any further squabbling is pleasure-seeking (out of lack of a better term). We all know that so don’t argue. If he/she said he/she was sorry, take it at face value. Don’t make him/her beg for your forgiveness (well, it depends in the severity of the case).

There is no such thing as toil-free relationship. Shits happen to test the limits of your love for each other. So if you two think that what you have is something special and worth fighting for, work it out. If one of you stops to work then you will be on a big trouble, I’m telling you: when the work stops, the split starts. Men and women have equal footing in a relationship. The “pa-martir” and “Andres de Saya” clones are so 20th century.

I'm Papa Awesome. Now, signing off.



20 comments:

Hoobert the Awesome said...

TIP # 3247: A hug or a kiss or a back scratch (TO WOMEN OF THE WORLD: No nails involve please) after a steamy debate can make all the difference. It can convey a message to your "sweetie pie" that you are still a tight couple despite of what happened.

Stay in love bloggers.

Leah said...

Aww.. I rarely fight with my boyfriend, but when we do have one, ay naku.. ang hiiraaaap!! Lol..

Anyway, that's true. Never bring up old issues. Tapos na yun eh. What's the point ba? Madalas ganun ako.. haha! Lalo na if i'm trying to think of everything.. like "bakit kasi ganyan, eh kasi ganito dapat. Kasi dati, ganyan sya.. ginawa nya yan dati.. ayan kasi!" Ganun. LOL.. Pero I'm trying to do better.

And yes, SPACE. kelangan yun. Dito ako nahihirapan. Ayoko kasing tumagal ang tampuhan kaya madalas ginagawan ko agad ng paraan.. pero mali din pala. Kasi pilit. dapat space muna.. Konting distansya.

Dumaan! :D

Hiyono said...

This is a big help, Hoobert. Thanks again! My only problem here is venting out issues online. LOL! And I tend to "detail my tampo through text" but that's just because he lives so friggin' far away!

Anyway, I still believe that just because couples fight, doesn't mean they don't love each other. And sometimes, when they don't fight, doesn't mean they do. More power to you and your girlfriend!

Malditang "Kura"cha said...

OMG! Guilty ako sa small things na pinag-aawayan na yan. hahahha! Alam mo inabangan ko tong post mo. Nakita ko sa FB na ito na ang next. I've been very busy with my love life lately kaya madalang akong makabisita. char! hahah!

parang sumanib nga si papa jack sa katauhan mo enchong. great! Mas guwapo ka lang ng kaunti. ^_^ minsan may pagka-war freak din ako talaga e. yung kahit alam kong walang kasalanan si boylet, inaaway ko pa rin. I'm so immature. sometimes naiisip ko hindi pa nga siguro ito ang right time para magbf.

Alam mo kung san ako nasapul ng bongga? sa "Don’t detail your tampo through text". I just did. Minsan kasi, it's really not easy to say it personally.

thank you so much. Marami na naman akong natutunan sa entry mo. Since it came from "the expert", naniniwala akong effective ang tips na yan. Chaka marami akong narealize habang binabasa ko to.

Stay in love enchong and chris! Ok lang ang tampuhan na yan. Gusto lang ng girls na sinusuyo sila. Malaking Check yan! hahha!

kg said...

wow ha, love guru ka na din ha! hehe!

themost basic thing to remember in a relationship: men are diferent from women. it's nothing personal. keep that in mind, and you'll be ok. haha!

Zen said...

It's very nice to hear people advisin' on how to have a stronger relationship and so on. I don't have one.
Still waitin'

Hoobert the Awesome said...

Hey Leah. Ow. I really appreciated na napadpad ka dito 'cos I know that you've been very busy - nabanggit mo yan sa blog mo. Hehe. Thank you.

Same here. Apir tayo! Di talaga kami nag-aaway ng girlfriend ko, tampuhan lang. And di namin pinapatagal. We both talk about it; it takes two to tango ika nga. Di naman pwedeng isa lang ang nagwo-work. Di kayo tatagal 'pag ganun.

Hahaha. Guilty! Minsan kasi di naman talaga mawawala yun. Kapag may history ang isang guy/girl ng isang kasalanan at inulit niya, di maiiwasan na kahit paano ay mabanggit. Pero if ang pinagtatalunan niyo is yung hindi niya pagsipot sa date niyo kahapon then out-of-nowhere bigla mong binring-up yung pambababae/panlalalaki niya last year, ibang usapan na yun.

And yeah, distancia amiga. Hahaha.

Thanks again. <3

Hoobert the Awesome said...

Hiyono. I think you're not alone. I know a lot of people who post their "tampuhan" with their boyfriends online. And it's kinda annoying. In my part at least. So I hope you can try to do something about it. Hehehe. Pero no pressure. :D

Ikaw na! I really agree with what you said. Di naman ibig sabihin na dahil nag-aaway kayo ay hindi niyo na mahal ang isa't isa. It's actually healthy for the relationship 'cos it just shows that you are working to be a better couple. Pero kung araw-araw na ang pag-aaway niyo, it's a different story.

Good luck to you and your boyfriend!

PS. Di ko talaga mahanap ang comment box sa blog mo.

Hoobert the Awesome said...

Hahaha. Ikaw na talaga ang stalker ko Ate Kura-ching. I thought nakalimutan mo na ako. Hahaha. Pero andami kong tawa sa blog mo. :D

Aww naman. And who's the lucky guy? Di ka man lang nagkkwento sa amin (O baka oo, di ko lang nabasa. Hehe). Ikaw talaga mambobola ka talaga Ate Kura-ching. Siyempre isa lang ang Papa Jack - hands down! Hahaha.

Warfreak ka Ate? Hahaha. Hindi halata. Nakakatuwa naman, andami kong nadi-discover ngayon a. Haha. Confession na 'to. Pero di maganda yun Ate. Siguro may PMS ka lang kaya mainit ulo kaya pati si boyfriend ay nadadamay. Haha. Ikaw talaga.

At expert talaga? Hohoho. Hindi po. Newbie pa lang. Mga kaibigan ko ang mga experts. Hohoho. Isa yan sa perks ng maraming girl friends, marami kang natutunan about girls' behaviors.

I miss you. Seriously. <3

Hoobert the Awesome said...

Yeah Ate Grace. I think you just hit the right button: men are different from women. Bow!

Hoobert the Awesome said...

The brighter side of that Zen is that you're single. No complications. 5 years din akong single before this one and the thing I learned is that: you don't need to rush things. Just wait and see.

DearHiraya said...

Recently, madalas na rin kaming nag-aaway ng girlfriend ko pero yun ay dahil talaga sakin - dahil mainitin ang ulo ko at madalas ko syang asarin. Hahaha! Pero naagapan naman kagad. Ayoko rin naman kasing pahabain pa kasi nagiging madrama na. haha! Napadaan! :)

Mei said...

Ayy ang haba. Pero hindi ako tinamad basahin. :) Ang galing mo magblog. As in writer ka ba talaga? Yung construction kasi ng post mo, ang galing, May flow talaga. hehe.

Infairness, agree ako sa lahat ng sinabi mo. At may narealize pako dahil sa post mo na toh. hehe. Pero sana may girl's side naman. Kasi may mga bagay na babae lang ang nakakaintindi haha If possible, interviewhin mo girlfriend mo. hehehe.

Aencille said...

Agree, 100%! I couldn't say anymore since you pointed out almost all the usual squabble scenarios in a relationship. Awesome read.

You're a writer, too?

Do you do link exchanges? Reaaaaally interested. Hope to hear from you soon. :D

Chyng said...

agree and disagree, pero never via text. mas masarap mag-away ng personal. haha!

Hoobert the Awesome said...

Hey Hiraya. I sometimes do that, yung parang iniinis ko lang girlfriend ko. Ang cute niya kasing tingnan when she's mad. Pero I don't recommend that to guys out there. Well, it depends. In my case kasi, Chris is aint that sensitive. Hahaha. So lucky me.

Me too. I want to settle arguments/debates/fights as soon as possible. Ayaw kong pinapatagal pa. Pero I've mentioned above that a study shows na recommended by experts (no, not me) na it's better to sleep when you're angry.

Hoobert the Awesome said...

Oh thanks naman Mei. Nakakatuwa namang basahin ng mga ganitong comments. Ang sarap sa feeling. Thanks again.

Anyway. First, I don't know if I can be categorize as a writer. I'm not really that confident with my writing skills. But I like to be called as such. Hahaha.

Second, yeah, sorry for that. I also think it's a bit bias 'cos the author is a guy. Don't worry, next time. Itanong ko sa girlfriend ko. Hehe. :)

Hoobert the Awesome said...

Aencille. Yeah. X-link? GAME!

Thanks. Parang gusto ko na talagang maniwala na writer ako. Hahaha.

Hoobert the Awesome said...

I agree Ate Chyng, it's more exciting. Hahaha.

Allen said...

naks naman kung maka-love guru!

I agree with Ate Chyng. Mas masarap mag-away ng personal. Yung may bulyawan tas may reconciliation and sex after. Ahaha! kidding.